while praying, crying out, pleading with the Lord on behalf of another; begging for clear signals to be received by a pliable heart, my wet eyes a river unending, i ask the Holy Spirit to murmur in the Lords ear, the things i don't know how to pray, and i hear it.
His voice familiar, always rich in love, "I know not what that is because you are in the way."
my river quickly a rushing tidal wave and i am humbled. "search me Lord, shine your light in the corners of my heart, the corners where i hide me from you, where i need to make things right with you."
arms outstretched i think of a dark room with a flash light scanning corners and instead i'm shown a room with nothing but corners. not four wall, not four corners, a room with sharp angles and all corners, turning and pointing in every which way. a house of fun placed not in the carnival but in my heart. zigzagging and stopping in each corner of the jagged room, we meet face to face, in each and every one. welcomed into the familiar arms that i didn't even know i was missing. how has life become so busy that i don't make time for this on a daily - hourly - basis? how have i created this room of corners. "Lord, reshape this room into a circle - i want a circle not a heart. a room with no corners, no hiding places, no way to clog up the lines of communion. a circle of crystal clarity without blemish or spot. Lord make my heart a circle. "
we talk for a while and i pray again, less selfishly for another for whom i am broken for, and i say amen in peace.